Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
