Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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