You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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