she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
