Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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