Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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