My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
