You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
