Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
