He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
