My first STD was from a foam party
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
