I feel like I'm in dance class right now
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
