He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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