who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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