Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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