It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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