please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
