gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
