Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.