Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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