At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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