Umm I'm too high to move.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
