The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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