he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
