Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
