the new term for farting is butt boxing.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
