Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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