she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
