Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
