sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are all done wearing pants today
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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