yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
