Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
