Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
