Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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