How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
