Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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