Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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