She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize