im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
