do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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