mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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