Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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