I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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