my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
