I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
