The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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