she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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