It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
