Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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