Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
