Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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