I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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