i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
