my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
