I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
