I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Randomize
