I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
