I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Are my feet made of real feet?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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