A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
