went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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