Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
