That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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