Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
