i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize