omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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