I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize