i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
